The van and trailer were found...

A lady called in a "suspicious vehicle" sitting in her apartment complex and it was ours. The van has been gutted and sadly enough, they even took my little medicine chest with gauze, tweezers, rubber gloves, and scissors. I have spent years building the perfect, be-prepared, emergency kit. But maybe they needed it when they busted out the window! 
The van will survive, it is in the shop. The trailer is a different story. The had to actually cut into the wall of the trailer to get in there (Which made Ryan very happy. That means his locks after the last break-in were so amazing they had to move to plan B!). Though they took all of the instruments, gear, and sound equipment, they left almost all of our merchandise and that is a HUGE blessing!  
We rented a van for this 5 show run to Louisiana, borrowed gear from some very nice friends in Dallas, and have already had one great show and a really cool visit to the local children's hospital. 
Most importantly, I got my wedding ring off today. 
I went to the doctor this week and told her that my hands were really hurting when I woke up in the morning. She said I needed to get my rings off and sleep with splints for a few days. Well, the splints were $40 and I decided it would be wiser to use Popsicle sticks taped together than to deal with the guilt of buying wrists splints for forty bucks. I mean, my wrists would need to be dangling off my body for me to justify that kind of money. I think it's a total scam. There are so many other ways to keep my wrists straight in my sleep. Popsicle sticks. Those big fat candy cane sticks you can get during Christmas or one of those big fat pencils (unsharpened of course). I also thought if I got desperate I could put a sturdy shoe along my wrist and hand and tie it in place with a few button down shirts or some gauze.  
Anyways, the wrist splints are on hold. But the wedding rings I figured I could do. I learned growing up that if you lose things a lot, like my mom, you should come up with back-up plans so you don't make the non-losers-of-things in your life happy. My mom lost her wedding rings all the time. I kept thinking, "Woman, just don't take them off. EVER. Keep them on. You're going to give dad a heart attack."
So when I got my rings I told the jeweler to size them down so they wouldn't go anywhere. I guess I forgot about future pregnancies or the chance I might really, really put on some pounds. I never thought about blood circulation or the need to clean the rings. I just remembered my mom offering $5 to whoever could find her rings before dad got home and wondering if dad would have a stroke if she lost them again. So I got my rings sized for life.
Don't do this people. This has proven to be a tragic mistake. 
Common Sense?
Ryan has been baffled. How did you not know your rings were stuck? Didn't you see those fingers gettin' a little chunky? Didn't it cross your mind?

No. Of course it didn't cross my mind. These things have basically been on for seven years straight. It never crossed my mind to check. I mean, who knows how long they have been a part of my body, stuck there, growing into my finger. I had no idea that I would really get fat fingers and toes, that my shoes would just not fit one day, and that my knee caps would entirely disappear. THEY DON'T TELL YOU THIS in the old-school joys of pregnancy books. They just say you will be glowing. By the time you get your hands on the real books, you're already so brain washed into glowing skin and beautiful breasts that the new information hardly has time to sink in.  
Glowing? Only because people can now see you coming a mile a way. So you seem bigger than life... not glowing. 
I have spent the last 48 hours doing every single thing I could find on the Internet to try and get these things off. Lotion. Bar soap. Liquid soap. Slimy water. Windex (this burns when your skin has already been rubbed off by the slimy water and bar soap). Ice. Keeping my hand up in the air for twenty minutes. A 24 hour sodium detox aided by several liters of water with lemon. I even went to a happy place and tried to think my finger skinny. 
Travis tried for about thirty minutes in the van two days ago. It hurt so bad that I had to bite the seat belt and a girl from another car came over and asked if we needed lotion or Tylenol. I needed skinny fingers. She suggested I go to the fire department and have them cut off, the rings that is. So much for positive thinking. My little finger was traumatized, so I detoxed and gave her, the traumatized finger,  the day off. 
At the children's hospital today they said to try it one more time. Ice. Hand up in the air. And KY Jelly. Leave it to nurses to pop out the KY Jelly. Nurses will talk about your poop and hand you KY Jelly like everything is normal. Gotta love them. 
We got back in the van and Travis tried again. It was great birthing practice. The ring was grinding against my bone, my skin had been worn down, and I couldn't even cry it hurt so bad. It was awesome! Ryan coached me like we have been practicing for our medicine-free labor. Lightly touching my arm. Helping me breath. Getting me air, space, and encouragement. Ryan Gregg video-taped it all from the back seat so that we would have good podcast material. And Jeff kept reminding me to relax when I would whimper.  Twenty minutes later of twisting, pulling, grinding, and mutilating my finger, the ring nudged itself over the bone and came off. 
My mom was a smart woman after all. I don't think I can ever put those rings on again. So much for trying to be responsible. That hurt worse than getting the coat hanger stuck in my eye-lid when I was 4 years old. 
The boys bought me an ice-cream at McDonald's for doing such a good job. And my finger is starting to have feeling again. 
The End
So there is the update. The van and trailer. The rings. A good doctor visit and a confirmation that I am still on track...8 weeks left. And, last but not least, I finally met the Josh Wax this week. Josh has been reading and commenting on this blog since the very beginning. Loyalty! And yesterday we finally got to meet. I'm telling you guys, we may not have ever met face to face, but I feel like we are friends... and that's a great feeling.