Therapy Thursdays

(This blog is not for the faint of heart... it said it was 9 pages in word. Yikes.)

I am sitting in Starbucks. It is 2:13 p.m. I have to be home in 47 minutes.

I did not do anything that I wanted to do today.

I thought Ryan and I would have a whole play day. We flew in late last night and fly out again tomorrow morning. Today I was going to get a massage. Maybe a pedicure. I was going to read a book. I am reading Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell. I thought we would go see a movie. Crazy Heart is the movie I wanted to see. Eat a long lunch. And go shopping for bathing suits (we leave on our first ever K-Love cruise Monday morning! Thank you, thank you, thank you K-Love!).

But here I am in Starbucks and all we have done is eat lunch. Ryan had band errands that took him longer than he thought and we didn't get out of the house until 12:15 or so. We only have the grandparents until 3 o'clock and after eating and catching up on a few emails all I have left is an hour. No down time. No book. No Movie. No Shopping. No massage.

Sigh.

No massage.

A few years ago I would have been down in the dumps, angry, or just bitter at life after a day like today because it has not gone the way I wanted it to go. I would have been disappointed.

But now, after oh so many years of therapy, days like today are a bit easier to swallow because my expectations have changed. And our expectations play a huge role in the way we live or lives.

My Expectations

Truth is, my plans rarely work out. The expectations I have for my day, for certain people in my life, for the good guy to win, for my closest circle of family and friends to be happy and healthy, and for the world to work in tandem with my dreams rarely happens. Statistically my expectations have about a 95% failure rate! Seriously. Over the course of a lifetime I have realized that I am a dreamer with big plans, high hopes, ambitious schedules, and a penchant for wanting to self-indulge as often as possible. Mix that up with the fact that I forget about details like traffic, construction, clocks, lack of money, human error, set-up and tear-down times, getting stuck on the runway, less passionate people than myself and cashiers that might move extra slow and you have a recipe for a lot of unmet expectations and plans.

You have a girl who, for a very long time, felt like the precious free moments of her life (and the people who influenced those moments) were constantly letting her down. Constantly.

Nothing EVER goes the way I want it to.

A mean dog story

My counselor told me a story about a little girl and a dog. The little girl lives next door to this very cute dog. She wants the dog to like her so everyday she goes to the fence and tries to talk to the dog and pet him. And everyday the dog barks and barks. Growls and growls. Chomps and chomps. He is a mean dog. He does not like her. He did not like her yesterday. He does not like her today. And if the world works the way it usually does, this dog is not going to like her tomorrow.

Still, she presses on, desperate for the dog to be her friend.

And every morning she goes and sticks her fingers through that fence and every morning that mean dog is still very mean.

One day the dog bites her fingers off.

And she bleeds to death and dies.

OK. Well, my counselor didn't say that. I just thought it'd be funny if she died from the blood loss because of a mean stupid dog. But he did bite her fingers off.

Here's the question we have to ask though: Did she lose her fingers because of the dog or did she lose them because of herself?

A few years ago I told my counselor that she lost them because of the dog. He was mean. He bit her fingers off. He attacked her. He never would be nice. He wouldn't like the little girl no matter how hard she tried and he was to blame for that. That dog was mean and stupid and left the girl hand less. Bad dog. I hate dogs.

My counselor's response?

"Jenny, that girl lost her fingers because she refused to acknowledge reality. It was her fault the dog bit her. It was her fault that she was hurt over and over again everyday. It was her responsibility to make a logical decision about that dog and she refused to do so. So she lost her fingers. The dog was innocent. That little girl was completely to blame for what happened to her because even though she knew the dog was mean, but she refused to accept that as reality."

"Jenny, you are that little girl."

CRAZY

Ouch. At least she didn't call me the dog, right? Let me make sure you understand what I am saying because this theory makes HALT look like a kindergarten tool.

Albert Einstein defined insanity as, "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

That means that in the story with the dog, the dog is not to blame; the little girl is. The dog was consistent. He was consistently mean and angry and violent. His behavior was typical. Should the dog be mean? No. Should the dog bite fingers? No. Is the dog a nice dog? No. But those are not questions that the little girl gets to answer or decide. The dog is being who the dog is... it's not her job, her right, or her Christian duty to make that dog nice. First you have to realize that. You cannot change the behavior of someone else. You cannot change the outcome of something or someone that is out of your control (i.e. your day, your companies decisions, or any human being).

So now she has a choice: Do I let the dog be? Or do I continue to go back to the dog, day after day, hoping that he has changed?

Well, Albert Einstein, and a whole bunch or really smart shrinks would tell you that by going back to the dog you are essentially exhibiting behaviors of someone who is in insane. That's not fun to hear is it? Your actions are INSANE. You are to blame. You are responsible for yourself and YOU are harming yourself... the dog doesn't have power to hurt you.

That's not Fair

I was so mad at this story. I was so mad at this shrink theory. I was so mad at my counselor.

I could feel myself getting angry as she looked me in the eyes and said, "Jenny, why do you keep going back to a dog who has consistently shown you they want nothing to do with you? This is not about the dog. It's not the dog's fault anymore. It's yours. You are the one that keeps going back. You are doing something insane. You are responsible for your own hurt."

When you are in real therapy, those are the kind of sessions that make you get back in your car and claw at your steering wheel, punch the seat next to you, scream profanity, and then drive to Taco Bell to gorge on something nasty and horrible for you.

Therapy is hard. It is the hard road. It is the high road. It is the road less traveled for a reason.

IT SUCKS.

Essentially what this lady told me was this: There are these people in your life who are consistently the same. Be it lazy. Angry. Mean. Or uninterested in you. People that don't love you the way you want to be loved. They are consistent, yet you keep hoping they will change. You keep hoping for a different outcome. You keep hoping their behavior will magically transform itself out of their love for you. You keep walking into these people and relationships with unrealistic expectations. You really think, deep down inside, that one day things will be different. And when they aren't, when the dog barks at you and tries to bite your fingers off, you get mad at the dog all over again and end up hurt. You are constantly hurt because you refuse to accept reality. Your expectations are based on your own faulty wishes.

So do you want this to be your life?

Creeping up to a fence every single day hoping that today you won't lose your fingers? Or will you accept these people and situations for what they are and change your expectations of them?

Changing my expectations was a very hard thing to do. And for so long it just felt unfair. BUT I WANT TO HAVE THE PERFECT DAY. I WANT TO HAVE THE PERFECT FAMILY. I WANT TO HAVE________.

It's not fair that they have the power to ruin everything!

I had to learn that they only had the power because I gave it to them. You give people power by expecting change instead of accepting reality. I wanted things to be better in my relationships but I did not account for the fact that the other party had to be aware of the same thing and desire it as well. I was walking to the fence waiting on someone to come that didn't exist. There was no willing participant on the other side, only me and my hopes that the person would show up. Instead, I usually met an angry dog. And I left sad and hurting that it was still the same old dog.

So one day I decided...

Today is the day I will not walk to the fence.

Today I will say good-bye.

And I stood and looked at the fence and felt sick to my stomach. I felt such deep loss that it hurt. And then I cried every tear I had in me to cry. And I started the process of mourning what would never be.

Today I will look at the little dog and I will hurt because I want that little dog to love me so bad, but I know he will not. I know he will only hurt me. So today I will not walk over to him. Today I will protect myself. Today I will pour my energy and heart and desires into something or someone else. Today I will let go of something I've wanted for so long, and it will hurt, I will mourn the loss of what could not be, but today I will not let the dog hurt me, because today I finally realize that HE WILL...

and there is nothing I can do to stop him except stop myself.

Real World Please?

If you've made it this far you might want to know what this practically looks like. You might also want to know how Jesus plays into this whole bit.

I had a friend confess to me that she hated Christmas. She said that every year her family just fought and she ended up screaming at people and becoming this person that she did not like. She hated Christmas because she deeply loved Christmas and had this dream of what the perfect Christmas would be like... her family was not it.

So you apply the dog story and the definition of insanity to the situation (whatever it may be). Has Christmas ever been what you dreamed of? No. Has your family shown any indication that they are capable of having a happy, healthy, joyous Christmas under one roof? No. Has history repeated itself? Absolutely. Well, unless everyone has a come to Jesus and go to a therapist moment, chances are this Christmas is going to be the same. That dog is gonna bite.

Just understanding that much sets you up for success. It is disappointing and it hurts and you might cry your guts out, but the first thing my friend has to do is accept the fact that unless a miracle happens (and miracles do happen... they're called hard work!), her families Christmas is not going to be what she dreamed of. Her family is inherently incapable of meeting her needs. So now the ball is in her court... will she go into the holidays hoping for something that is not going to happen? Having unrealistic expectations and hoping they will meet her needs even though they have proven they cannot? Or will she say good-bye to those dreams and accept reality?

Here is what she might say to herself: My family doesn't function well and this Christmas I will not expect anything to be different. If it is different then it will be a great, unexpected, beautiful gift. However, if it is not different, I will not cry myself to sleep and swear off the holidays and battle depression for the next three weeks because I know what to expect and I accept that. My family has shown what they can give me. And I will respond accordingly to what they are able to give; not to what I wish they could give. I will protect myself from my own unrealistic expectations. God give me the courage to be fulfilled by you and you alone. Give me the wisdom to stay away from the fence. Be my family when my family is not the one I dreamed of.

Disclaimers?

Yes, there are disclaimers. This does not mean you give up on people. This does not mean you get angry and bitter; writing the person off as a lost cause. This does not mean that you do not hope and believe that Jesus can change hearts, lives, families, relationships, and really crummy days where nothing seems to go write. This does not mean checking out and not investing into the people in your life. And it does not mean turning into an escape artist who withdraws into their own little world so that the world they are in can't hurt them. Those would all be pretty unhealthy things as well.

This is just the jumping off point for someone like me who lived with unrealistic expectations for a long time and did not even know it. This is a place where you can say... "Oh, maybe ______ will never change." Maybe I need to change! Maybe I don't need to get near an electric fence with a rabbid dog waiting to chew my fingers off! Maybe I should be more careful. Protect myself. Be wise about people's limitations. Maybe I should ask God to help me let go of some of these things I have always dreamed about but continually find myself hurt over because they never happen.

Starbucks

So my day wasn't perfect. It's 7:00 p.m. and I am just not getting a chance to sit down and finish this blog. Since I left off a huge rainstorm has come through Dallas and I was not able to pick up Annie and go get a bathing suit like I had hoped. And, Annie fell off the couch while I wasn't watching and landed on her head and cut her leg. And then, to top it all off, when I went to pick her up, apparently she pooped through a whole diaper, down into her pants and toes and onto the couch...

But I don't expect perfect days anymore. I don't expect normalcy. I used to. I longed for it. I hungered for it. I woke up and wrote down my list for the day and cried and cursed as the entire plan unraveled. And then I realized I was being insane. My life is chaos. It has always been that way and has not shown me any indication that it will not be that way....

So now I expect it. I roll with it. And I don't cry myself to sleep over it. I just look at that dog and say, "MEAN STUPID DOG I HATE YOU!!!" And then go on with my day. That dog's never gonna change.

But I can.

Cutest Alien Baby in the World!

Of course every mom believes their baby is the cutest baby in the world, even if their baby is scary looking. Like the scary baby episode of Seinfeld. Anyone?

Babies are like guys. They can be ugly, but the longer you are around them, the more their personality outshines their beer belly or hairy back or uneven nostrils that have nose hairs sticking out. A baby can have an alien head, crossed eyes, and constantly smell like a garbage can, but as soon as they say 'mama' and start with the cooing and gurgle noises they are no longer aliens; suddenly they are cute. This is a bizarre phenomenon, isn't it? Thank God personality trumps looks.

So her she is... my little alien baby. I'm going to send her picture into Regis and Kelly's cute baby contest this week (the winner gets $125,000 college scholarship and lifetime Gerber products which would mean Annie will be eating pureed sweat potatoes until she turns 18).

Will you help me pick out the best picture? Take the poll on the left hand side of the page and have your friends, family, and co-workers vote too! I need all the help I can get!

Picture 1

Picture Two

Picture Three

Picture Four

Picture Five

Therapy Thursdays

I am not a licensed therapist.

I have not taken a single psychology class.

I don’t even know what Freud invented; I just know he had the nasty-nasty’s for his own mother.

But seriously, those disqualifications aside, I am an excellent shrink.

It's the equivalency of stepping into the kitchen one day and baking your mother's famous chicken spaghetti without looking at the recipe. You've seen her cook it so many times that one day all the stars align and without even knowing it you have soaked in her kitchen wizardry and you can make the stuff blindfolded without even having to taste and see if there is enough salt.

That’s how it is with a good therapy session and me. I have sat in that room so many times, having so many epiphanies, speaking so many unspeakable things out loud about myself, and listening to very smart people as they dissect me, my family, my brain, and my environment; that phrases like “passive aggressive” “I need validation” “trigger words” “reverting to a childlike state” “I’m angry right now because…” and “how did that make you feel” seem like everyday conversation pieces.

I figure I’ve gleaned enough wisdom from my eight years of psycho babel that it is now safe for me to begin sharing those little marriage-saving, sanity-saving tidbits with those who will listen.

Required Participation

I'm taking a humorous approach to this subject but I believe with all my heart that every human being should have to see a therapist. I mean really, can't we all think of ten people we want to send to a shrink? Yep. I can think of about 30. And the scary thing is, the people I would send would probably send me as well. So the feeling is mutual. You make my list, I make yours. We all need a shrink.

If you don’t think you need one, trust me, you people are the worst.

As my friend Becky said, “I didn’t think I had a lot of stuff but then you get in there and you realize, I gotta lot stuff.” And if you could have seen the shocked look on her face when she said that… it made me laugh.

No shame. No weakness. It doesn’t make you crazy (or en vogue, new agey, or relationally elite). It’s just a shift in thinking, an eye opener, someone to sort through the pages with you. The scratched out lines, the scribbled in notes, the holes that the eraser left, the daydream doodles, the A plus and the F minus, the happy face sticker, and the note in red that says, “What happened? Please have your parent sign this paper and return,” Yikes. That one’s the worst.

We have these notebooks saved away with page after page telling the stories of our lives. Our stories are complicated. Happily ever after is for fiction books. We are non-fiction. We know the first part of our book well, too well, but we cannot see the last page. We can only see that there are decisions before us that will get us there. A good therapist walks you through the first part of your book and allows you a chance to process the good and bad chapters. Then they open up a door, then another, then another, and you are like Alice chasing the rabbit through Wonderland, and before you know it they have led you to a place where roads diverge and you can finally, thankfully, look at those roads with a clear mind, free heart, and enough healthy tools in your pocket to pick a road that is better than the one you are on now.

This is not necessarily a drastic measure; maybe the lines have simply been repainted on the road. Or maybe you are getting off a dirt road and onto pavement. Whatever the case, the therapist who is working for your good will walk alongside you as you pause to look at where you came from and will stand still (and sometimes terribly quiet) as you weigh your options and consider your next turn. Your next road. Your next destination.

So it is with that description of what therapy, in my opinion, is all about, that I give you the very first Therapy Thursdays. I hope these little insights will help you as much as they have helped me.

HALT.

Let’s start off easy. A few months ago Women’s Day magazine said they love the new word hangry. That’s right…

Hangry.

This is apparently what happens when one is so hungry that they actually become angry. And maybe you don’t understand this, but when I read the word I thought, “well sweet Jesus they finally named it!” There are times when I’m not just hungry; I’m hangry. I’m irritable and distracted. I’m mean and cranky. I’m so self-centered that I really don’t even hear other people. If you catch me when I am acting like that, odds are I am not mad at you, unhappy with life, in a hurry, or angry with anyone… I’m just so stinkin hungry that I could eat a small camel and I want everyone to leave me alone and get out of my way and just let me have food. It’s serious.

Ryan hates that they came up with this word. “This is not an excuse for being mean just because you are starving,” he says, “That is not even a real word!” He is convinced I should have the mental capabilities to deny my stomach’s desire for food and remain calm, cool, and collective. He is the master of his universe. Not me… I have no desire to master it, I just want to fix it; I just want food. So I have learned this much: if I am hungry, I eat before I do anything else.

I halt.

A good therapist would teach you right off the bat that you should never attempt anything relationally or internally when you are that hungry because it is quite simply the worst way to enter into rational dialogue. The truth is, some of us aren’t rational when we are hungry. Some people are not rational when they are angry. Some people are not rational when they are lonely. And some people aren’t rational when they are tired.

HALT. Hungry. Angry. Lonely. Tired.

Are you already angry at the world? Then it’s probably not a good time to talk to your teenager who has taken up the hobby of eye rolling. There is a chance you might kick the poor stupid child out of the house. You are angry, cool down first.

Are you lonely? Then you probably shouldn’t get on the phone with your husband who travels full time and have a conversation about his career choice and how that affects your marriage. Before you know it you might say really hurtful things and threaten to leave. You are lonely sweet friend. Have lunch with your sister, call an old friend and catch up on life, meet a new mom, seek out community and put the conversation on hold for a day or two.

Are you tired? Midnight is hardly the time to discuss whether you should move to another state, quit your job, ask your spouse if they are satisfied with your sex life, talk about the kids schedule, or share your lifelong hopes and dreams. And it is definitely not the time to hash out the relationship. You will start talking about the dog needing shots but then you might say something about a monkey and then you might think there is a monkey in your room and then you are snoring and then the monkey is in your bed and then you say mean things to the monkey about how they don’t help enough with the banana peels around the house… and then someone turns on the lamp and there is no monkey, only the other person. And you think, “Did I just say something bad about them?” You are tired, don’t talk.

And that’s how it all begins. Nothing healthy and life giving can be accomplished when you start off on the wrong foot. If you are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired trust all the smart people out there who have done the research that proves these things impede rational dialogue….

And HALT.

Address your own condition. Allow the other party to do the same. And then pick up where you almost began. It sounds simple, but it changes everything.

I’m a lot happier after I eat and Ryan is happy after a good nine-hour sleep. Do that and then we can talk about the bills, the bedroom, and the baby. But bring those up on an empty stomach after a long day and I am liable to be the worst possible version of myself. Her name is Crazy Jenny. And she is awful. So I try and keep her locked up by strictly adhering to the HALT system.

Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired?

Don’t go there. Repeat. Don’t go there.

Sleep. Calm down. Have a chat with a friend. Get some food.

The Words...

of Martin Luther King, Jr.

"It may well be, that the greatest tragedy of this period of social transition is not the glaring noisiness of the so-called bad people, but the appalling silence of the so-called good people."

"What is needed is a realization that power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic. Power at its best is love implementing the demands of justice, and justice at its best is power correcting everything that stands against love."

"True altruism is more than the capacity to pity; it is the capacity to sympathize. Pity may represent little more than the impersonal concern which prompts the mailing of a check, but true sympathy is the personal concern which demands the giving of one's soul."

"If we assume that life is worth living, if we assume that mankind has a right to survive, then we must find an alternative to war."

"If any of you are around when I have to meet my day, I don't want a long funeral. And if you get somebody to deliver the eulogy, tell them not to talk too long. Every now and then I wonder what I want them to say. Tell them not to mention that I have a Nobel Peace Prize, that isn't important. Tell them not to mention that I have three or four hundred other awards, that's not important. Tell them not to mention where I went to school. I'd like somebody to mention that day, that Martin Luther King, Jr., tried to give his life serving others. I'd like for somebody to say that day, that martin Luther King, Jr., tried to love somebody. I want you to say that day, that I tried to be right on the war question. I want you to be able to say that day, that I did try to feed the hungry. And I want you to be able to say that day, that I did try, in my life, to clothe those who were naked. I want you to say, on that day, that I did try, in my life, to visit those who were in prison. I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity."

Thank you Dr. King for your commitment to humanity, your courage in the face of trials, and for showing us what Jesus meant by turning the other cheek, loving our enemies, and taking care of the poor, widowed, and orphaned. You taught us love and patiently began the reversal of injustice and hate that were long overdue in this country. For that and much more, we honor you today.

(And let's be honest, thanks for the day off of work and school too...)

*all quotes and excerpts taken from: The Words and Inspiration of Martin Luther King, Jr. DREAM. Blue Mountain Arts, Boulder, CO, 2007.

Tough Topic Tuesday

In light of the great tragedy that has befallen our brothers and sisters in Haiti, I offer up today’s Tough Topic Tuesday with humility, urgency, and prayer.

Chapter Four: Profile of the lukewarm

Crazy Love, by Francis Chan

“Lukewarm people give money to charity and the church… as long as it doesn’t impinge on their standard of living. If they have a little extra and it is easy and safe to give, they do so. After all, God loves a cheerful giver, right?[i]”

“Lukewarm people are moved by stories about people who do radical things for Christ, yet they do not act. They assume such action is for the “extreme” Christians, not average ones. Lukewarm people call “radical” what Jesus expected of all His followers.”

“Lukewarm people will serve God and others, but there are limits to how far they will go, or how much time, money, and energy they are willing to give.”

“Lukewarm people are thankful for their luxuries and comforts and rarely try and give as much as possible to the poor. They are quick to point out, “Jesus never said money is the root of all evil, only that the love of money is.” Untold numbers of lukewarm people feel ‘called’ to minister to the rich; very few feel ‘called’ to minister to the poor.”

“It is not scientific doubt, not atheism, not pantheism, not agnosticism, that in our day and in this land is likely to quench the light of the gospel. It is a proud, sensuous, selfish, luxurious, church-going, hollow-hearted prosperity.[ii]”

Had enough?

It is the widow who throws her only two coins into the offering plate that Jesus commends for having a crazy love. She gives everything she has to live on(Luke 21:1-4).

She gives everything.

The other guys give out of their excess, they give out of duty, the give out of moral principles, they give so that others will know they are giving, perhaps they give because they genuinely want to do something… but nothing too crazy. Too radical. Or too sacrificial. They don’t want to go all in. And who blames them? If going all in seemed crazy 2000 years ago before the stock market, pension plans, college savings, retirement funds, and second houses were en vogue; then followers of Christ who go all in today must simply appear radicalized and insane to the rest of the world, huh? Surely Jesus didn’t mean “sell everything you own, give it to the poor, and follow me.” (Luke 18:22-24)

But what if that’s exactly what He meant?

What if we have become so diluted with our own happiness, inherent freedoms, and ability to have almost anything we want in this world, that we, the rich Christians, have stripped the words of Jesus away and created our own perverted, easy, lazy, selfish, mediocre, watered-down, damning religion that fits easily into our lives?

Uuuuggghhhh…we don’t want to label ourselves that way, do we? Some of you are cringing now. Some of you are thinking that I am being radical. Emotional. Over-zealous. Some of you feel defensive, as if I am pushing my own man-made, hyped up faith onto you. Or some of you truly think that I am only talking about something that God has called me to do. Not you. Not your family. Not your life. No. You’ve made your plans. You have a nice nest egg and you own your own home. You go to church. You tithe your money and give a little extra away to charities. You are right where you are supposed to be. And perhaps you are unnerved, angry, or defensive that someone is saying that there might be something wrong with what you are putting forth.

I have news for you (and remember, you asked for the re-birth of Tough Topic Tuesday, not me J) I am no radical. My parents aren’t zealots. And I didn’t grow up a missionary kid. Heck, I didn’t even go to private school or homeschool. I am not a tight fisted, narrow-minded republican; nor am I a hellbent public works democrat activist. I am just a girl in between. I am college educated, but I am not particularly brilliant. I have no Bible degree and I went to a university that had plenty of sex and alcohol to go around. I grew up Southern Baptist, but now I go to a Bible church. I love Jesus, but I don’t wake up at 5:00 am to pray and read scripture for three hours before my husband and daughter wake up (though I wish I did). I drink alcohol on occasion. I’ve been in counseling for much of my adult life. I still fight with my sisters. I like to go to the movies. Cuddle on the couch with my husband. I yell at Tony Romo when he fumbles the football. And I am quite sure I am one of Starbucks biggest financial backers.

I am glad for my role in Addison Road, extremely humbled to be a part of bringing music that points others towards Christ; but I am not a saint and I am certainly no different than any other person in this world.

I am no radical.

Here me say, those of you who have written the quotes off at the top of this blog as something that other people (the devoted, intense, crazy, missionary, extremists) are called to live by: those other people don’t exist.

It’s just us.

Sure, there are martyrs and Mother Theresa’s along the road, but they are one in a million. And Jesus didn’t look in the eyes of super-heroes and say, “leave it ALL to follow me.” He looked into the eyes of Fishermen. Prostitutes. Lepers. Tax collectors. Dads. Moms. Housewives. Sisters. Brothers. Children. Rich men. Poor men. Jews. Gentiles. And every average person in between. These are the people of the New Testament. And these are the people to whom Jesus said, “leave your mom and dad; don’t go back to bury the dead, they can bury themselves; sell everything; turn the other cheek; pick up the beaten man on the side of the road and care for him; have a party and invite the destitute; take care of orphans the way you would take care of me…”

And the very radical list continues…

And the rich man walked away sad.

He wanted to follow Jesus. But he didn’t want to part with his way of living.

And then Jesus looked the man in the eye and said, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of heaven.” Jesus didn’t recruit overzealous weirdo’s. He called normal people, like you and I, to an extremely life-changing, demanding, hard, extremely, crazy life. To live like him. Holding nothing back. Giving away more than he actually had to give. And, then saying that even that was not enough. Because if you gave away everything and had not love it was nothing.

Still, we live like this doesn’t apply to us. Most of us walk through our lives with a puny, diluted little faith that doesn’t truly change us, or change the world around us. And Francis Chan actually goes as far as saying that perhaps those who fit the description of ‘lukewarm’ are not really Christ followers at all. Just church attenders.

Haiti

And this all leads me to Haiti.

What will our response be to the orphans who are without an orphanage? Someone else will adopt them? Someone else will go hold them? What about the money that NGO’s will need to help sustain their ministries and missions? Will someone else give extravagantly? Will someone else go hold the hands of the broken… or will you, the mom with three kids who doesn’t think it’s possible to break the mold and follow a crazy sort of call to care for the destitute?

Or me, the musician, who doesn’t think I can get out of shows and contracts, singing for Christians in big comfy cool youth rooms… so that I can actually go and do what Jesus said to do? How will we respond?

Is it crazy to drop everything and go or give.

Or is it lukewarm, empty faith, to simply give a hundred bucks and say, “Poor People”?

---

[i] Francis Chan, Crazy Love:Overwhelmed by a Relentless God (Colorado Springs, CO: David C. Cook, 2008), 69-71, 74-75.

[ii] Frederick D. Huntington, as quoted in Francis Chan, Crazy Love (Colorado Springs, CO: David C. Cook, 2008), 65.