I have a nasty cold. My ears hurt. Both of my nose holes hurt. My eyes are blurry. And I keep waking up with chapped lips and a burning throat because I can only breathe through my mouth.
I popped my head into my doctor's office just to ask the nurses if the baby was OK. I mean, if I have a cold, doesn't the baby have a cold? Can I cough so hard that she just pops out? Does my snot make her feel nauseous?
They laughed at me (followed by, "but no question is a dumb question" line. Clearly that's not true. You are laughing). Turns out babies can't get colds in your stomach. Nor do they ingest your buggers. Supposedly they don't pop out if you sneeze too hard either... I'll let you know if that's true or not.
I woke up today and it appeared to be spring. I am not sure how they did it in less than 24 hours, but the birds came back home in the middle of the night from their exotic vacation down south and I woke up to their beautiful little bird noises. I hate to tell them that it is only going to be 75 degrees for one day and that then they will have to fly back to Mexico because we are in the midst of global climate breakdown and the real winter will not be over until, um, probably May this year. They obviously haven't been listening to Al Gore.
Still, they are here today. And it is 75 degrees, sunny, and breezy. So I decided to get out of the house for the first time since Sunday.
In no particular order, here are the thoughts that have crossed my mind today:
*Whether you are sick or not, the sun will wrongly convince you that all is well in the world and with your body. Don't jump out of bed after being sick for three days and head out into the world just because the sun has arrived. Sun does not equal wellness. I've been sitting outside all morning hacking my guts up and nearly half dead. But dang it, the sun was out. Surely this was a sign of instant healing. It was not. I am more sick now. Do not be deceived.*
*Can I bring my new Dyson vacuum cleaner to the post office and vacuum? Please? All I see now is dirt. Dirt everywhere. And then I am instantly in a commercial. "Want to get rid of the dirt? Pet dander? Mold? Want to see what's really in your carpet? Then let me show you my new Dyson." That's where it cuts to a picture of me vacuuming my curtains and mattress and shows the little tank filling up with massive amounts of mystery dirty. And I am smiling with delicious weird pleasure. Seriously, I stared at the dirty carpet in the post office for five minutes today and wondered, would it really be that weird if I asked the postmaster if I could come vacuum with my Dyson? Just to show him? I wouldn't mind going after hours.*
*Are we really eating dinner at Luby's?
(I made Ryan do something he did not want to do today. After we were done it was time for dinner and he asked me where I wanted to go. I was thinking of several places. Good places. But then we drove by Luby's and his eyes lit up. Luby's? I wanted to throw up in my mouth. But how do you turn a guy down after he's spent his afternoon doing you favors, especially when his little eyes light up with Luby excitement? FYI the LuAnne platter cost $7.99 now and the meals are $10, not including your Jello blob. And I'm not sure when the price hike was enacted, but I am sure LuAnne would be appalled. And finally, when they leave JC Penney's... yes... they make their way to Luby's. You know who I'm talking about.)*