Good, Not Great.

Today we had band practice... well, sort of. I hate practicing. Which is probably why I was never really great at anything in high school. I was good, naturally good, at a few things, but I was not great at anything. I Lacked the desire to practice or study or to contribute whatever extra energy was needed from me to accomplish great things. So I was lazy. And now that I think about it, I am not quite sure what things I was even good at. I think I was just good at talking.

My choir teacher hated me. For most of my high school career I was in the ghetto girls choir for all the rejects who can't sight read or make it into to the "real" choir. On top of that, my teacher told me to lip sync when we went to competition because apparently my voice didn't "blend". I did journalism, the editorial editor believe it or not, but I always turned in articles that were too long. Imagine that. Cheerleading, thank God I did not kill myself or anyone else, I got so many concussions, lost most of my pride, and got stuck on the back row during NCA competitions because I wasn't bubbly enough or little enough, and I have no I basically just looked lost. Acting? I tried that too.

I am a terrible excuse for an actress. I wanted to act so bad though, so it was even worse because I was the person with all heart and no talent. The girl who needs to be told, "you are awful, give it up!" (Which by the way is the beauty of Simon Cowell. He will actually tell you the truth). A lot of times girls feel inclined to sing for me because they want to be a singer so badly. They get so excited to have a moment to sing me a song, not realizing that I cannot do a single thing for them...and sometimes when they open their mouths the sound, the God awful noise that comes out, is shocking. But when they are gleaming and so excited, how do you say, "Oh, sweetie, don't ever do that again, that is a tragic, terrifying noise, please, run far away from this dream and get a new one". Sort of hard to break people's dreams. But I was lucky enough to have a drama teacher who broke my acting dreams. He accurately critiqued my over dramatic performances, told me I needed to grow alligator skin when I would cry at his honestly, and encouraged me to maybe pursue what I was good at like speeches, memorizing lines, and talking to people... just not acting. So that is choir, journalism, cheerleading, and acting...I succeeded in none of these.

And don't even get me started on school work or piano lessons. Awful. I literally started making C's in the 6th grade. And I decided in 11th grade, yes, 17 years old, that I would like to try piano lessons again. So I enrolled and made my whole family come with the video camera to my first recital, me and about ten five year old kids. I played, all white keys and maybe three black keys, with my eyes closed, my head intently bobbing and swaying, and with so much intensity and passion that my sisters didn't stop making fun of me for weeks. They would look at me, close their eyes, bang their heads, and pretend to play the piano. I never went back.

I would like to think I could have been amazing at everything if I had just practiced or studied. Or at least that's how I justify it...Oh, I would've been great, I just didn't want to practice, I just never studied. Somewhere inside of me brilliance resides.

Unfortunately, I have not grown much, I still do not apply myself and I still try to weasel myself out of anything too strenuous on my nerves, time, or social schedule. So today at practice, I was the devil in the room. I tried to distract us by talking, suggesting we go to lunch at 11 am when we just started practicing at 10 am, and by telling the guys how awesome they sounded after we've played through things a mere one or two times. Being trapped in a cold little room, the drums too close to my ear drums, the repetitive melodies...these things get to me. Especially when it is beautiful outside, the mall is full of Christmas trees and cute little old men (or low level felons who need to fulfill their community service hours) ringing the Christmas bells everywhere, and Christmas carols playing on the radio station. Why would I want to listen to myself sing for a few hours? Why voluntarily be trapped in a room?

My charm worked. We were done by two.

Four hours. One hour lunch break. Today was a rough day on the job. Will I ever have to have a real job? If so, how long before I get fired? Will any boss understand that I cannot stay in an office building and I cannot over commit to practice or self-education in most fields?

My friend commented the other day and asked if I remembered when I dressed up as a wind chime for Halloween. Of course. Has there ever been a more creative Halloween costume? I don't think so. These are the things I am gifted at. Halloween costumes. Garage Sales. Bingo Parties. Developing craft projects in my closet. Home movies. Humor and voice animation (I am quite possibly one of the funniest people I know). And weather forecasting (I have a sensitive nose). These are my strong suits.

Anything else...a jack of all trades, a master of none. Is that how the saying goes? I'm not going to look it up, imagine that...