I feel like I have snuck into the high school computer lab over Christmas break.
It's dark. Cold. Eerily quiet. And slightly wrong.
Wrong because it is 6:42 a.m. on a holiday weekend and I have the urge to write while my baby sleeps.
So here I am. You are away on holiday I presume. The lake, the beach, the family picnic, or just blissfully sleeping in and staying around the house all day to piddle. I love piddling.
There are things I want to get off my chest:
I am strangely attracted to Benjamin Franklin (the alive version). I am pretty sure we would have been social simpaticos; soul mates; and if i was lucky... betrothed. Yep, that's right. I wish I was betrothed to Benjamin Franklin. We both like to sleep late, mingle with the masses, party hard, play hard, occasionally work hard on things that interest us, and we both love board games. OK, he really loved chess. Does that count?
I'm not saying I am as smart as Ben was. However, I am not convinced he was terribly smart either. He wasn't brilliant; he was bored. This was no Einstein. This was just a man with an abundance of creative energy and a lot of down time. If I lived when he did I would've made the first library club, public hospital, and tongue-in-cheek newspaper too. What else do you do? There are only so many times people get hit by the strange white zig-zags in the sky and kill over before some bored person decides to figure out what they are. Right?
Right. As an aside, did you know that ole Benny gave one of his many girlfriends' daughters a pet squirrel? He had his wife ship it over from America only to be eaten a year later by the family dog. When the squirrel died the little girl was beside herself and Ben held a funeral for her pet. He put it in a hat box, draped a cloth over it and proceeded to give the eulogy:
"Here skug lies snug as a bug in a rug."
(Benjamin Franklin. Walter Isaacson, p. 258)
Anyways, it's worth noting on the 4th of July that:
1.) I am particularly fond of the founding fathers and American history. This makes me a dork who has read a bunch of really long books, but I can't help it.
2.) I am pretty sure Ben and I would've totally hit it off. You only think "Bennifer" is cool now... you should see the 1776 version of us! Heck yea!
3.) Amidst all the crazies out their in the world today (need I throw in names?), thank God a bunch of men and a few of their very intelligent, supportive wives, fought and fought and fought for the idea of freedom and justice. America is not perfect... but the idea of it pretty much is. And sometimes knowing the ideal is all we need to keep moving, striving, fighting, and hoping for what could be. What should be. The Fourth of July is important.
Moving On: Weekly confessions.
I gave Annie to a bunch of strangers this week. We tried bringing her to the movies because she is usually asleep at 7:45 p.m. Not just asleep, but you know, dead to the world. And she is really quite good with loud noises, but just in case, we brought her awesome pink headphones. Anyways, we went with a group of friends to see Public Enemies, and the little thing was wide-eyed and bushy tailed. Her first movie release. So many friends. All the fun. She's just like her mom... it was too much for her, she had to be a part of the action. We made it through the previews and then when the "Please don't interrupt the movie" clip came on with the cell phone ringing and CRYING BABY, as if given a divinely inspired cue, she let out a howl.
Everyone turned to look at me. We were on the very top row. There were probably 500 people in the theatre. Without thinking I just darted out, down 30 stairs, with 1,000 eyeballs boring a hole into me saying.... You're that lady, the one they're talking about! Get out! Movie ruiner! Horrible, tacky mom!
I left my purse, the diaper bag, her car seat, and my phone. She was suddenly the inconsolable child. I needed to get a refund and get her out of there. But I couldn't just bring her back into the theatre crying, go back up 30 stairs, down 3o stairs, and have those 1,000 mean eyeballs boring into me. I needed to leave her.
You can't really just lay a baby down in the theatre lobby for a minute and leave. It's not quite the fire station, but I'm pretty sure security would confiscate her. I thought about leaving her with a uniformed worker, but these were all scary looking adolescents. I thought about borrowing someones cell so I could call Ryan and have him bring us our stuff, but I knew he wouldn't answer a strange number (The thought of text messaging never occurred to me. I know. I am so 1999). So, I did what any desperate mom would do. Scanned the room for the nicest looking couple and then said, "I know this is strange, but could you please hold my baby for like five minutes?"
It gets worse. After I retrieved her, the mall was closed, except for the restaurants having reverse happy hour. So, with stroller in hand, I parked it on a lounge chaser at the most grown-up of the happy hours I could find (it had garden seating, quiet music, and dimly lit plastic orange chandeliers), ordered a glass of wine, a bowl of bread, kicked my shoes off, gave Annie her bottle, let her fall asleep on my chest, and read the news on my I-phone until the movie let out and my husband and friends came to find me. The kid was at a rated R movie and happy hour all in one night. Heaven forgive me.
I generally hate movies. Only because there are so many other things I want to be doing that movies fall to the bottom of my priority list.
So, this was, without a doubt, one of the best nights I've had in months.
I forget who mentioned that I should use baking soda for blemishes... but I finally got desperate and tried it this week. When Ryan asked what the scary white stuff on my face was I told him I was desperate. To which he replied, "I thought you were desperate two months ago."
The baking soda appears to be working, so don't catch me at night times! I'm not taking any chances on missed spots. I'm basically covering the top half of my body with a box of baking soda, and starting tonight, I might rinse it off with apple cider vinegar for optimal results. Whoever suggested it... thank you! And Queen Latifah, thanks for endorsing it girl! Keepin' it real you rich, famous woman... that's what I like to see!
Every time I read your comments I am responding to most of you in my head. HeyJade, you and I had a complete conversation the other day after you sent the blog to your mom friends. Kara, when you wrote a few weeks ago after my encounter with the mean lady, I left feeling like you had just given me a big hug. Lisa, isn't it funny that we only met once and we live cross country, but we are friends? When I read Ryan your comments, he says, "who said that?" I answer, "you know, my friend Lisa." "Lisa? I didn't know you had a friend named Lisa." And then I tell him about the concert where we talked forever.
And Rebecca... I love that you so faithfully leave comments. They make me smile. You are like a little burst of light and encouragement. When we are in Denver next, I would love to see you. And yes, Glorieta was such a throw back, we had a great time. The cabins we used to stay in (where all the poor youth groups stayed... yea... D'Ville in the house) are being demolished. The owner of the camp can't believe we stayed there. I told him people think I'm lying when I tell them Brandi and I heard a bear and basically had to sleep in each other's arms to stay warm... he said he didn't doubt that one bit. Anyways, love hearing from you and keeping up with you and your precious boys.
See, these are the things I can say when I don't think anyone is reading. If I could, I would go through each one of your comments, respond, tell you my thoughts, and ask you yours. Oh... in a perfect world where I had unlimited time and the pause button like Zack Morris had. If only I had enough time to be a part of each one of your lives, I would love it.
Anyways, it is 7:38 a.m. now. I am working out vigorously to lose these final ten baby pounds, but today is a holiday, so now I will drive to the donut store and order a dozen donut holes and some of those little sausage thingy's and I will devour them guiltlessly.
Ryan and I will lay around all day in our PJ's, watching sports center and The Cosby's, with the little squirrel between us, eat some junk food, and then head out for Annie's second night of fireworks, friends, and family.
Happy 4th of July,
Your friend who is sneaking back out of the dark, cold, computer lab and hopes to hear from you after the holiday!