I lost my Ipod. My $250, every ounce of birthday and Christmas money, lifeline on long airplane rides, Ipod.
The thing is, I have recently come to an agreement with Jesus and myself that I was OK letting go of a lot of my physical possessions in order to make the much needed money Ryan and I need right now. And in hopes that if we ever have excess money, I will be used to living on little (by America's standards), and I will be fully satisfied in the abundant riches we already have... not requiring anything extra. So I had recently decided to sell my Ipod in hopes that I could bring in some extra money.
It's not the loss of the thing...it is the fact that I LOST IT. How annoying! How stupid! How irresponsible! How frustrating...I needed that money! Can I live without my Ipod? Yes. I had already decided to do so. When you think about it, there is a lot that you can live without. But would I have really loved to make $200 back? Yes.
So I am beating myself up. I have torn through my suitcase ten times and dumped everything on the floor and have called myself cuss words that I would probably not use against my worst enemy. And now I am taking a breath.
It is just money. It is just a thing. And...I look like I wear a size two and the guys from The Afters like my voice, and dangit, I did good this week. And Jesus seems to be smiling right now at me, talking to me a little more than usual...so...I am ok.
Case in point: Beating myself up as we speak. Thank God for those compliments this week. Maybe I am not such a _________.