Musings and Finality...

This morning I did an interview for a really cool station, Shine FM in Chicago. Their weather: -3 degrees. They had me give a Dallas report: 38 degrees, and 100 sand trucks ready to go, weather interruptions on all the news channels giving us Winter Storm Updates, and a very threatening message from the anchormen and women to leave for work early, expect sleet, maybe ice, maybe no school, or maybe the apocalypse. I had no idea how entertaining the nightly news was. Be careful Texas, this one's a doozie. You got to wonder what the -3 degree people think about us?

Total pansies, I'm sure. Lucky for us we are averting the blizzard and going to sunny Lakeland, Florida in the morning.

Random musings from the week:

Last night Ryan and I woke up in the middle of the night almost every thirty minutes. Finally at 4:30 we just got up. Got some orange juice. Blamed each other for who was keeping who up. And tried to go back to sleep. I was determined to fall asleep before he did, just to torture him, but in a moment of weakness I started making plans for the day and before I knew it he was snoring. I laid wide awake until 6:57 am and right as I was falling asleep the trash guy came. I was perturbed. Really, do you have to come this early??? Who is awake this early? As I laid in bed and listened to all the cars leave, the kids running outside to the bus stop, and watched the sun come up I realized everyone wakes up this early.

Yesterday at dinner my friend said the funniest thing. She leases apartments and had to go to eviction court. Apparently there were a lot of guys there and it was the breeding grounds for love relationships, because she was being uncomfortably hit on and stared at. Her response: girls if you ever feel bad about yourself, just go to eviction court. I thought it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard. Of course, she was just kidding, because clearly eviction court is not a good place and not a laughing matter, but all I could imagine was having some pathetic girl day where I felt particularly clumsy, unattractive, or unlikable and I could just see myself dropping the cookies and ice cream (well, in my case, dropping the Mexican food) and making my way to eviction court for a little self esteem booster. She was not serious, but I was playing out serious scenarios in my head. Mom, dad, meet ______, we met at eviction court!!!

It still makes me laugh. I guess we, in our most base, yucky human moments make ourselves feel better at the expense of others. For instance, I am pretty sure that when a Hummer or really nice Lexus pulls up next to me at the stop light they feel a moment of security, confidence, and superiority that makes them feel better about themselves. Why? Because they are next to a 1999 Ford Escort that vibrates. I mean literally, this car vibrates all the time. I feel like my car is just barely hanging in there, waiting for me to get just enough of a paycheck before it dies on me. Until then, I am pretty sure the other cars make fun of it. And while we are talking about cars, no, mine does not have a name. And yes, I think you are weird if you give your car a name and develop a personal relationship with it. That's just me.

Finally, tonight I have spent most of my time on the computer trying to diagnose if I am autistic.

Charlie Gibson did a special on female autism tonight and how it goes greatly undiagnosed. As he started talking to the therapist lady and talking through symptoms, a little voice in my head started thinking, wow, so far I have all of those. Then it got to the story of this girl in the gym who talked too loud and cried pretty easily and a few other things and that's when I felt it. Ryan's eyes. They were boring into me. He was fighting back a grin. "Jen...I think that's what you have." He was being funny about it, but the truth is, I think he got a little worried about it the more and more the people talked. I think I did too. Adult onset autism. Is that possible? If you haven't figured it out by now, I am a complete, hypochondriac. All the same, I was pretty sure that I was mildly autistic and I spent the rest of the night at whole foods talking to the vitamin lady about herbal supplements I could take to help my brain so that I did not develop it if i did not already have it.

$50 later, and some new vitamins, and I am hoping for the best.

Finally, Ryan and I spent most of yesterday in Waco, Texas doing "business." That's where we went to college and so it was nostalgic and fun to go back. We met up with our college pastor for lunch at my favorite restaurant in the entire world NINFA'S and talked for several hours. We talked about tons of college memories and I couldn't help but think about my favorite professor ever. Dr. Sharyn Dowd.

On the first day of class she announced that on the next day of class we would have a quiz and we would have to identify, in order, on a map, all the cities Paul went to on his missionary journeys. I thought that was the meanest first day assignment ever. But it was brilliant, how can you really study a guy if you don't know if he is in Jerusalem or by the ocean or in a mountain somewhere or what? I learned alot in her class. But I learned more from her at church. Every Sunday I would, without meaning to, watch her all through worship. She worshipped in a way I had never seen a human worship. As if she needed to worship or she would die. She went around the neighborhood before church and picked up some of the poorest kids whose parents were in jail or asleep or didn't come home the night before and she would bring them to church. Sit with them. Make them behave and touch them in the most loving way. She looked like an angel. When I think about what the church is supposed to look like, I think of her. Brilliant. Intelligent. Well thought out in her beliefs and convictions. But humble. Desperate for God. Giving. Alive. A seeker. A listener. A follower. A true worshiper. A spirit. She had an indwelling spirit that could light an entire room with God's beauty. Her spirit was mesmerizing. She helped me love Jesus more than I knew I could love him.

I asked Dr. Dowd this week if she would be our guest blogger, and she kindly accepted. I was so amazed to have someone big time on here, and so very grateful! So from my favorite professor at Baylor University and from the person that I grew to love worshipping alongside of, just to see her face light up....our final installation on the church.